I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
