My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
