The best revenge is premature balding
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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