Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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