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You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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