My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
