you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
