ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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