I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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