i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
