she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
