I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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