sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
