hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
