well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
