My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
high people should be assigned attendants
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
