are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
