If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
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I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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