Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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