I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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