You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
