I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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