Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
