Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
