i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
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After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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