the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
