Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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