Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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