I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
