I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
