It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
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He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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