After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
