Can i not drive my cunt home
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
