I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
