This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
