she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
