I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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