I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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