I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
