WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
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Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
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He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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