is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
