piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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