Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
