you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
