Are we in a gay sports bar?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
