He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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