I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
