i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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