she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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