Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
