Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
