what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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