I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
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grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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