I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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