Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
