I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
