He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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