I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
