The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
