onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
